Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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