Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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