I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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