someone get that fucking seahorse.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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