I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
