so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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