Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
