All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
