Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm

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(204): View more from Manitoba

The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.

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(585): View more from New York

at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.

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(720): View more from Colorado

so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass

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(330): View more from Ohio

giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Sure. But we have to be quiet.

(1-775): View more from Nevada

Ninja mode activated

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina

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