Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
