I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
