I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
