at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
