so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
