Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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