Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
