My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She needs sedatives and a leash
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
