Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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