What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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