Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i love accidental penises.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
