this just has baby written all over it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
