"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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