i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
