I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
