One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
