his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
