How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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