He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
