So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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