I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
