I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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