I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
