I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
