But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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