you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
