the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
