hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
