You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
