Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize