i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
