She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
