I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
