Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I love you.
Bad choice
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
