my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
