Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
