oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize