i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
