I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
