i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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