Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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