i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
