It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
