Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
