remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
