People with herpes should wear stickers.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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