Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
