...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
