my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize