I looked at my own cervix.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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