I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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