it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
