i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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