Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
