I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
