Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
third nipple confirmed
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
