i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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