Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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