we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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