we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
