Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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