there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
