The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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