Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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